The Age of Stupidity: Toastmasters Humor Competition

Here is the (mostly humorless!) text as by now. Some one liners is marked by ***

The Age of Stupidity
Pretoria Toastmasters East Humor Competition 9 September 2009


I introduce to you Mr Neil Malan, one step from a PHd, Organic Chemist, Antarctic Explorer wizzkid of a new generation.
** I his presence I feel small and worthless yet you must understand I was born at a very early age!
Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it. -- George Orwell. Our Mr Malan is no different.
** We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing.
Competition chairman, ladies and gentlemen;
Welcome to the most intelligent time of all history. We are lucky to be alive today as all before us was and those after us will be stupider than us.
We are the brightest generation ever to walk on this earth!
In this great age we live in, we enjoy about 5000 advertisements everyday. We are clever, and on the tips of our fingers we can access anything up to the third decimal point. Google makes our lives a breeze and for the more serious, Wikipedia does it all. Back at work great systems governs our lives and we do even need to think anymore.
**It’s weird with all at our finger tips, Empires fall. Religions disappear like mist. But quotes about monkeys with keyboards live for eternity. …
Our friendship is facebooked and we know the world and it’s mate on their first names. We are connected to the second as the rich and famous amongst us carries Iphones and Blackberries.
If I need to know about your sins; I just Google you and got you where I want you!
We do not need to listen to the annoying sound of birds chirping, water flowing in a steam or the first irritating words of a one year old baby. It is greatly eliminated by the glorious Ipod.
Everybody, expect the judges, please close your eyes. Point towards the south, keep your hands there, open your eyes.
**It is hard that we have everything plus the great GPS guiding us everywhere, yet we do not know the difference between north and south!
First there was Batman, the Superman, followed by Spiderman. Stupefied by Google!
I do not have time to talk to you or other real people; I am too busy adding friends to my Facebook. I do not read novels and whole books anymore as abstracts are easier and quicker. I do not listen to older people for their wisdom, as they are defined by MNET as stupid has-beens.
**Its hard to be a grandfather as it is a one way process. Moms and dad love their children, grandparent love their grand children, and grandchildren love hamsters..
We do not need think in a logic way as staccato thinking became the norm.
This is a tomato, to know that we can eat it is information, that it is actually a fruit and not a vegetable is knowledge, to know not to put it in fruit salad, well, that is wisdom! Wisdom is declining by the day.
Our children are brought up with sound and electronic noise and ready made toys with old fashioned Meccano and Lego only to be seen on the shelves of museums. We do not tell stories to our kids anymore as we need to bow to the onslaught of our Iphone.
**Strange, when in the Gym people carry Ipods and…
All the connectedness did not prevent our economists from stupidity as the world sank in its deepest depression since 1933. All the MBAs and boardroom arrogance did not prevent the hardship we are now suffering. After all the minister of finance of Zimbabwe boasts with his Phd from Harvard.
We live in the age of distraction…. We live in the age stupefied by Google. We indeed live in the age of stupidity. We are the stupidest generation of all time!
The brain reshapes itself every moment. The brain aligns its neurons in pathways. The brain loves continuity and hates distraction.
We are the lost generation, gone and not be rescued anymore. But what about the next generation, will they be even worse off? Is their hope?
Yes !!! The great Albert Einstein said:” Do you want clever children? Tell them stories, talk to them, and listen to them. Do you want brilliant children? Tell them even more stories!”
May I introduce you to Mr Neil Malan. He found himself in Toastmasters. He is a beacon of light, a revolutionary. Let’s follow in his footsteps. Lead us Neil!!
Lead us to put fire to Toys R Us, let’s loot blockbusters, dismantle the antennae of Multichoice and send daily hate mail to Google.
Ladies and gentlemen: This is what this great organization is about. To tell stories, to listen to each other undistracted, to laugh together, and to build the neurons in our minds together.
We in Toastmasters have work to do, we must rescue the new generation from the tentacles of technology. I have no solutions I can only offer chocolates

Lets do it! Lets do it for our kids!
Competition Chairman